There's nothing better than...

good Mexican food, family, The Bachelor, and people who love your child!! Not necessarily in that order -- it depends on the day!

My Mom and I met for dinner this evening at one of our favorite Mexican spots in town. We love Mexican food and any chance that we have to catch up over some warm tortilla chips and melted cheese is too good to pass up. Fairly early on I noticed Mason smiling and making eyes at someone across the restaurant. Now this is not all that unusual for Mason since he is quite the flirt, but a moment later I noticed that the ladies he was giggling at were approaching our table. I looked up to see Ms. Beverly and Ms. Pretzel, his teachers from his very first daycare as a baby. (He went there from 9 months to 15 months old.) In the interest of full disclosure, we pulled Mason from this particular daycare because there were numerous problems and issues. In the end, we felt like he was better off elsewhere. What couldn't be denied, though, was how much they loved and adored Mason while he was there and how much they still do! Ms. Beverly especially, was his soft place to land for those six months and not only did he remember her, Mason was clearly excited to see her. They asked me to bring him back for a visit sometime and I think that I will, because one of the things in this life that means everything to me is when someone else loves my child. There is nothing more soul-filling and gratifying than knowing that your child has all kinds of people in their world that think they are worthy of praise, smile, hugs, and joy. So, despite the rough times that we experienced during those months, I am still indebted to them for understanding, as I do, how special my little guy really is.

Thank you Ms. Beverly and Ms. Pretzel, for loving Mason like we do!

Home Alone!

It's Sunday afternoon and I am sitting in my living room with but a few precious hours of alone time. My in-laws have Mason for the afternoon and hubby is at work. I am willing the minutes to turn into hours!

I have already tackled Wal-Mart, which was actually not so bad for a Sunday afternoon, and now have a laundry list of things to get done, including laundry!! Also on my list, however, is putting together a card and pictures for Mason's birthmother. The conflicting emotions that come along with sending an update are always there, but seem intensified when the time comes to put down in words Mason's life for the last 4-6 months. I had hoped to get an update mailed prior to the Holidays, but a blizzard and a two year old slowed me down a bit. So, here I am with a pen in hand and more words than I can organize.

When David and I decided to pursue adoption, after many years of infertility treatments, we preferred as little contact as possible with a birthmother. Truth be told, I was scared of having to compete with another woman for the position of Mom. Now that we are almost three years into our adoption, however, I long for more contact than we have. I have never heard the voice of the woman who gave birth to my son, never seen her face, never heard her laugh. I can't tell Mason what perfume she wears or about a sparkle in her eye; I really can't tell him much of anything. And despite the fact that we have repeatedly asked for a picture or a letter, we have received nothing.

So, I will send pictures of Mason over the last six months and tell her how much he loves trains. I will tell her how much he is talking now and that he is almost potty-trained (yay!!). I will say thank-you again and ask for her to write back. And I will probably cry, again, for what I cannot give my child. I can't tell him who he looks like or about the day he was born. Despite my deep un-ending love for him I will never be able to give him his history, and that's not fair. It's not fair that he will grow into a man without knowing where he came from or hearing for himself why he was placed for adoption.

Perhaps the future will resolve my heartache, and I pray that it will, but I must prepare myself that it might not. I will continue to love him without boundaries and let him know that it's ok to be sad, angry, and disappointed that he was dealt the hand he was. I will also encourage him to celebrate the gifts and blessings that we have all been given and forever know that there was never a time in his life when he was not deeply wanted and loved.

Hi. I'm new here...

and this is the very first time I have ever posted on a blog. Ever. I know, it's now 2010, but some of us are slow learners, what can I say?

My best friend suggested, and I agreed, that we should spend 2010 blogging about the year that we turn 30. Yep, that would be this year. So, with only 1 hour and 50 minutes left in the first year of the day of the year, I am officially a blogger.

My resolutions for 2010?? I'm not real swift at the resolution thing, but I have a few. If I put them in writing I guess I'm bound to them, so know that I'm treading lightly as I type! First and foremost, my family has got to dig out of the avalanche of debt that we have. (More to come on that, I'm sure!) Second, as a Type 1 diabetic and fairly new insulin pumper I must become more vigilant of my health, especially my blood sugar. Third, I am beginning a new venture in 2010 (see #1) called Thirty-One. I will soon be selling really cute bags and purses that can be personalized with your name and/or initials. I hope that this will be a fun and worthwhile venture!

Eight minutes...not to bad for my first official step into the world of blogging...goodnight for now.