"We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life, but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands" ~Anonymous

Monday, January 25, 2010

My Heart is Heavy

So, two weeks = 0 posts! I was hoping to do better with this blogging thing. Really, I was. I will. I will do better. Starting now. I promise.

Truth is, I have thought multiple times in the past two weeks about writing, but my heart has been heavy and my mind has been full. I struggle to piece together words and thoughts in my mind, much less on paper. For those who aren't already aware - I am not a big fan of journals or diaries. I have received MANY blank books throughout my life and they all remain blank. As much as I love to write, journaling about my life just doesn't jive with me. Blogging? Well, I'm feeling it a bit more, but now my "journals" are out there for the entire world to see. Scary!! Both for me and you!

Of the mutliple issues keeping me up at night over the past few weeks has been the tragedy in Haiti. I have watched very little coverage on television because my heart just can't handle it. I have read of more tragedy and despair than I care to aknowledge exists. I'd like to think that I am a compassionate person who is sensitive to hurt and suffering anytime it occurs, but this time it's different. This time it's personal. This time I see my child in their eyes. In the chocolate of their skin, the curl of their hair, the depth of their pain. My heart breaks wide and often like it never has before and I turn my head. I divert my attention in an effort to make the ache go away. But it doesn't. Every time I open a newspaper or turn to another channel the anguish is ever present.

Perhaps it's more selfish than I would like to admit. I want to be a Mom again. I want Mason to be the awesome big brother that I know he would be. I want to adopt a child who needs me. Haiti had hundreds of thousands of orphans before the earthquake and will no doubt have that many more now. And yet, because of the politics involved in adoption, especially international adoption, the majority of these children will live in an orphanage until they reach "adulthood" and are sent out into the world with few resources and fewer chances. They will not have the chance to know a warm bed or the excitement of new school supplies. The situation for orphans in Haiti was bad before; it is even worse now.

At some point in the evolution of the human being we must stop worrying more about animals than we do children. We must place value on the smallest among us instead of the richest or loudest or most influential. We must decide that children living without families who love them is not ok, in any country at any time. Perhaps if the "business" of adoption was focused on the children it claims to save those children would not have a prictag attached to them. Perhaps.

And so in the absence of being able to do anything significant I cry to God for some type of peace. A peace that he is in control, when we are not. That he comforts the sick and weak among when we cannot. That he and he alone can bring joy from suffering and triumph over despair.

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